The Single Life: We Are An Urban Tribe

"It's a shame nobody has come up with a cure for this disease of being perpetually single. It must be some kind of genetic defect or something that members of the opposite sex can sense."-GP

GP is a 31 year old man, straight, handsome, a total sweetheart, fun to be around and completely single. Like most 20 and 30- something singles, he is frustrated. And while no one may have a cure for the genetic defect of being perpetually single, someone has come up with an official name for it. You see, whether he knows it or not, GP is a member of an urban tribe the U.S. Government labeled The Never Marrieds.

According to the U.S. Census Bureau, the Never Marrieds are urban-dwelling men and women between the ages of 25 and 39 who, like GP, are perpetually single. If you are part of this Tribe (I'm a member!) than you are far from alone (ironic, considering the Never Marrieds I know constantly complain about being alone). In fact, the U.S. Census Bureau has identified the Never Marrieds as one of the fastest growing groups in America. (Ah, strength in numbers?)

Being in this not-so-exclusive Tribe comes with a Catch-22: Never Marrieds are both hurtful and helpful to society. By spending our 20s and 30s spouseless, who are we hurting besides our mothers? SOCIETY! According to research, family values are at stake: we aren't getting married, so we aren't having children, those with children are single parents, and Never Marrieds tend to be more promiscuous. Research also shows unmarried males are likelier to commit crimes. So, in addition to having Mom kavetch about your single life, now the U.S. government is sending some guilt your way! (I don't get enough pressure from family to get married, now I have "experts" telling me that if I do not get married I may contribute to the demise of familial society?)

Ok, Singles, breathe. There is a bright side to the Never Marrieds Catch-22: We are helping the sanctity of marriage by not jumping into the institution of it so quickly. Part of the reason why Never-Marrieds, well, never marry is simple: we wont settle. We know exactly what we want, and the older we get, the more certain (and mature) we are about finding that special someone. We are seeking out the perfect soulmate and will continue to run through the jungle of bars, clubs, parties, office flings, blind-dates and internet romances till we find THE ONE AND ONLY. Since we are being so precise and fickle in our search for a soulmate, we are more likely to be content with who we chose to marry, therefore a Never-Married who leaves the Tribe is less likely to get divorced. Indeed, every cloud has a silver lining!

As for me? I turn 30 this June. I have nine years to remain a member of this fun-filled Urban Tribe. Like most Never Marrieds I refuse to settle, so only time will tell whether I do harm to the familial structure of this country, or if I better the statistics by marrying and never divorcing.

Stay tuned....

Ethan Watters wrote the story that inspired my Blog. It was published in the New York Times back in 2001.

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