Waiting To Exhale

*Takes a deep breath*

So yeah, I’m 30. It happened yesterday, and there was nothing I can do to prevent it. I’m officially at that age where my back goes out more than I do. My first grey hair has sat eagerly on the left side of my head, for about a year now, anxiously awaiting this day. “30,” said the grey hair, “when she turns 30, I will have friends, I will start to multiply.”

I’ve never put any sort of highlights in my hair, nor have I used hair dye, so when I reach for that box of Clairol in Duane Reade, everyone will know my secret: I am turning grey. It comes gift-wrapped with “30.”

*Takes a deep breath*

I’m sitting at my computer feeling very Carrie Bradshaw: I’m a Never-Married who still is unsure of what she wants to be when she grows up. I dabbled in journalism (if five years as a professional is dabbling), which is my passion, but “retired” when I decided I wanted a life outside of a career. So here I sit, mulling over my life, where I have been and where I am going.

30 *sigh*

I recently read an online “Survivor’s Guide To Turning 30.” Written by a women who just turned 30 herself, she laments about things all too familiar for me: familial pressure to get married (even if you are pathetically single), pressure to have children (even if you don’t want any), and the self-imposed pressure to stay young (even though you can’t). The later really bugs me. I feel like I should be a new superhero: The Time Fighter! Leaping tall buildings in a single bound! Dodging little SOBs who call me “Ma’am!” Wage a war to extend my lease in the 20-something fountain of youth! But alas, that is simply a fantasy….

The author of the aforementioned “Survival Guide….” suggests many activities an incumbant 30-year old should do before the big day, plus she suggests survival tips for the actual day itself ("don't let mom bring up marriage unless you are already married! You are not Bridget Jones!"). Another game-day activity is to make a list of all of the amazing things you have done….and gloat!

Rather than bore you all with a written list of amazing things that I have done, allow me to just say that after making a mental list, my 20s were indeed, amazing. They were a roller coaster of ups and downs, but admittedly I wouldn’t even trade in the downs for some extra ups. Those moments –the good, the bad and the ugly—made me who I am today. They cheered me up, helped me stand tall, matured me, molded me, kicked my ass, tore me down and taught me how to pull myself back up, and stay up. For now.

I’ve accomplished some [not all but a fair amount of] goals that I set, met some amazing people (even the ones I butt-heads with factor in, because I’ve learned a thing or two from them), seen a decent amount of sights and cities, laughed a lot, cried a lot, basically ran the gamut of emotions and instabilities. So why is turning 30 such a big deal to me?

I’m beginning to realize that I’m mulling over the question “where am I gong?” because my real paranoia about turning 30 lies within my own great expectations. Will my upcoming 30s live up to my roaring 20s?

I'm only in my second day of my 30s, so I guess I will have to wait and see.

Favorite Quotes

The following are random quotes, from books, movies, or interviews, that I like for various reasons. Just thought I'd share them here.

"If you sit there, and you know that everything you do is honest, and just a natural and instinctual extension of yourself, then there you go." -Lars Ulrich


"I choose to live not just exist." - James Hetfield


"Sell crazy someplace else, we're all stocked up here." - Melvin (Jack Nicholson), As Good As It Gets


"What if this is as good as it gets?" - Melvin (Jack Nicholson), As Good As It Gets


"Those left standing will make millions writing books on the way it should have been..." - Incubus


"Life is a boomerang, what you give, you get back. - Dale Carnegie


"The only things of true value in life are invisible." - Unknown

"Never underestimate the power of human stupidity." - Albert Einstein

"There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle." - Albert Einstein

"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."- Albert Einstein

"A dirty mind is a terrible thing to waste.' - SweetAmberNYC

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away." - George Carlin

"You've got to be very careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there." - Yogi Berra

"When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before." - Mae West


“The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars...” - Jack Kerouac


"I may not agree with what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it." - Voltaire

A Packed Square, Some Good Eats And The After Effects

Ok so last night after work I had dinner plans. I got out of work at 5 and dinner wasn't until 7:30 so I had some time to spare. I walked over to the Virgin Records Megastore in Times Square. I figured I'd checkout some tunes, maybe buy some Cds, check out a the placment for a band called Pray For The Soul of Betty, shit like that.

I get to the block and it is mass confusion. TRL is across the street so I wasn't sure what was going on. I asked two girls "what is this? What's going on?" They enthusiastically replied "Shakira is here." So I said "Great I guess I'm not going in then." They laughed. They didn't know I was a little annoyed.

I walked up to a security guard and asked him if any part of the store is open for shopping. He said "not till 7:30." This didnt work out for me cause dinner was at 7:30.

Since I have absolutely no interest in Shakira (I can't even name any of her songs), I left and headed to Rockefeller Center to do window shopping.

Anyway I ended up having dinner at a restaurant called Bolzano's. It is in Shubert Alley (45th Street between 8th and Broadway). It is opening to the public on Friday, I was invited for a test run. Free top shelf liquor, free appeztizers, entree and dessert. We only needed to leave a tip. After a tough two weeks at work, I enjoyed some Strawberry stolis and 7-up. I arrived home full, tired, and feeling no pain. I'm still tired, and still feeling those drinks. I'm not even sure I'm making sense right now, but that was my evening.

So ok, New Yorkers, go eat at Bolzano's! It was excellent. The chilean sea bass kicked butt.

Busy Busy!

Ok, so it is Friday morning, almost noon. I'm sitting in my office, in Astoria Queens. The walls are bare, boxes are piled up, my desk drawers and filing cabinets are empty. The only thing unpacked is my computer and phone. That will go soon, too. We are moving this week to a location in mid-town Manhattan (Click here to read an earlier Blog about the move). Work has been chaos between Fundraisers and this move. I have several blogs saved as drafts and hope to get one up tonight: My semi-rant on the outcome of American Idol.

I haven't been able to complete a full blog, or a thought for that matter, because of my schedule. When I am not at work I either have plans or I just go home and pass out. Basically, the spirit has been willing but the flesh weak. Tonight when I am home I plan on blogging. Tommorrow I have to get ready for the Tony Awards, which is on Sunday, so it will be a busy day of girl stuff: hair, manicure, pedicure. I need to get that stuff done on Saturday because none of these beauty salons are open on Sunday. Plus, I have to pick up my gown. After being out on Sunday night at the Tonys, etc., work on Monday is the official move, and Tuesday we unpack.

I used to complain about slow days, now I'm begging for one. The thing is, once everything is boxed up at my office, it will be very slow here at work until Tuesday, when we will be unpacking and have use of computers and phones. So if all goes according to the outline of this move, I will have absolutely nothing to do, no phone, no computer, no paperwork, for most of today and all of Monday. Maybe it is time I start reading The DaVinci Code again. It will pass the time as I sit and wait for the phone to ring. Sounds exciting, huh? *Rolls eyes*

Ok, I have to get back to packing. Look for the American Idol blog later on or early tommorrow. I'm a little peeved that my rocker boys didnt win (hell, one was voted off way too early!). I know the Finale was over a week ago, but I have this need to vent about it here. And isn't that what a blog is for?