The Single Life: We Are An Urban Tribe

"It's a shame nobody has come up with a cure for this disease of being perpetually single. It must be some kind of genetic defect or something that members of the opposite sex can sense."-GP

GP is a 31 year old man, straight, handsome, a total sweetheart, fun to be around and completely single. Like most 20 and 30- something singles, he is frustrated. And while no one may have a cure for the genetic defect of being perpetually single, someone has come up with an official name for it. You see, whether he knows it or not, GP is a member of an urban tribe the U.S. Government labeled The Never Marrieds.

According to the U.S. Census Bureau, the Never Marrieds are urban-dwelling men and women between the ages of 25 and 39 who, like GP, are perpetually single. If you are part of this Tribe (I'm a member!) than you are far from alone (ironic, considering the Never Marrieds I know constantly complain about being alone). In fact, the U.S. Census Bureau has identified the Never Marrieds as one of the fastest growing groups in America. (Ah, strength in numbers?)

Being in this not-so-exclusive Tribe comes with a Catch-22: Never Marrieds are both hurtful and helpful to society. By spending our 20s and 30s spouseless, who are we hurting besides our mothers? SOCIETY! According to research, family values are at stake: we aren't getting married, so we aren't having children, those with children are single parents, and Never Marrieds tend to be more promiscuous. Research also shows unmarried males are likelier to commit crimes. So, in addition to having Mom kavetch about your single life, now the U.S. government is sending some guilt your way! (I don't get enough pressure from family to get married, now I have "experts" telling me that if I do not get married I may contribute to the demise of familial society?)

Ok, Singles, breathe. There is a bright side to the Never Marrieds Catch-22: We are helping the sanctity of marriage by not jumping into the institution of it so quickly. Part of the reason why Never-Marrieds, well, never marry is simple: we wont settle. We know exactly what we want, and the older we get, the more certain (and mature) we are about finding that special someone. We are seeking out the perfect soulmate and will continue to run through the jungle of bars, clubs, parties, office flings, blind-dates and internet romances till we find THE ONE AND ONLY. Since we are being so precise and fickle in our search for a soulmate, we are more likely to be content with who we chose to marry, therefore a Never-Married who leaves the Tribe is less likely to get divorced. Indeed, every cloud has a silver lining!

As for me? I turn 30 this June. I have nine years to remain a member of this fun-filled Urban Tribe. Like most Never Marrieds I refuse to settle, so only time will tell whether I do harm to the familial structure of this country, or if I better the statistics by marrying and never divorcing.

Stay tuned....

Ethan Watters wrote the story that inspired my Blog. It was published in the New York Times back in 2001.

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Creative Dilemma

Previously, I've mentioned that I was asked to contribute a Metallica-fan story for a book. I was flattered by this and immediately agreed to contribute. I already knew which story I would share. I submitted the very Blog I posted here about a month ago, titled SOME KIND OF TRUE STORY.

The editor came back with some comments, some of which make me uncomfortable. If you remember (if not go re-read the story!) I gave James Hetfield a print-out of a post I had written on the fan club message board aka Poor Posting me. The editor wants me to call it a letter, not a post. He also wants me to elaborate by breaking the song down line by line. Originally I had just a few key lines from the song interpreted in the post that I put up on the message board and inevitably handed to Hetfield. (Sidenote: I gave James the message board version because I wanted him to read it exactly how it was posted: I wanted him to feel the sincerity of the very moment I decided to publicly share what his lyrics did for me. End Sidenote.)

I'm uncomfortable with the editor's suggestions because the reader is mislead in a few ways:
A.) if the reader is led to believe I handed James a letter, the reader will get a "To James, yada yada yada Love, Stephanie" feeling. I clearly state that I wrote something for the internet, for fellow Metallica fans, and that I never imagined James would actually read it. In fact, when I did hand the post to James, I never signed it. He simply saw it was written by StephBKNY (that is my message board name).

B.) I'd rather not share my interpretation of the entire song with the general public when I didn't share as much with the songwriter (again, that would be Hetfield!). It will give the reader the impression that James read a version of my story he didn't actually read.

C.) Interpreting the song line by line means I must revisit those emotions. Frankly, it is a trip I'd rather not take.

So now I sit here thinking, what do I do? I didn't sign a contract, so there are no legal obligations to submit my story. I'd like to e-mail the editor and request he pull my submission. Of course, I will give him an explanation, he certainly deserves that. I'm just not so sure if he will still respect me after I go back on my word.

A Short Note To My Readers

Some of you have asked when will I post a new blog, and why has it been a few weeks since my last post.

I hope to post something new (other than this!) either today or tommorrow. I have not posted anything lately because work/home has been so busy this past month that I rarely have the time to write for myself. When I do have the time to sit and breath, my mind becomes jelly: I find myself staring at the computer screen, struggling to form a cohesive thought. I'm sure you all know what that can be like.

I actually have three or four topics saved as a draft in Blogger, one of which was inspired by a friend. Like I said, hopefully I will post one of the topics I have been working on, either today or tommorrow.

I'm also trying to finish the second draft of a story I am writing for a gentleman who is putting together a collection of personal experiences regarding Metallica fans and the band. I'm about two weeks late on that and although I have kept the publisher updated, I'm still sure he wants to ring my neck right now. Like I said, my other activities and lack of sleep have put my writing on the back burner for a bit.

I'm at the office now, so I'm going to go back to the grind. Thanks for being interested in my Blog. I promise I will get back to regular updates.

Another Angel Get His Wings

Pope John Paul II, my religious leader since I was three, died today.

RIP Pontiff, you are now safely home.

I am home in heaven, dear ones.
Oh, so happy and so bright!
There is perfect joy and beauty
In this everlasting light.

All the pain and grief is over,
Every restless tossing passed;
I am now at peace forever,
Safely home in heaven at last.

Did you wonder why I so calmly
Trod the valley of the shade
Oh! but Jesus' love illumined
Every dark and fearful glade.

And He came Himself to meet me
In that way so hard to tread;
And with Jesus' arm to lean on,
Could I have one doubt or dread?

Then you must not grieve so sorely,
For I love you dearly still:
Try to look beyond earth's shadows,
Pray to trust our Father's Will.

There is work still waiting for you,
So you must not idly stand,
Do it now, while life remainth -
You shall rest in God's own land.

When that work is all completed.
He will gently call you home;
Oh, that rapture of that meeting
Oh, the joy to see you come!