Letter To My Pets

I saw this on a message board and had to post it here:

Letter to My Pets:

When I say to move, it means to go someplace else, not to switch positions with each other so there are still two of you in my way.

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. All other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note that placing your paw print in the middle of MY plate and food does not stake a claim making it YOUR plate and food.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help in your quest to reach the bottom first, because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think that I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort.

Dogs and cats actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to one another, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, and try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge of the door and try to pull it open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Honest.

Also, I have been using the bathroom by myself for quite some time -- canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.

I can't stress this one enough -- kiss me, THEN go smell the other dog's/cat's behind.

To pacify you, my dear companions, I have posted the following notice on our front door:

Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and then Complain About Our Pets ---

1. The pets live here. You don't.

2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why it's called "fur"niture.)

3. To you, our pets are just animals. To us, they are an adopted son/daughter who happens to be hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

4. Dogs and cats are better than kids because:
---- They don't ask for money all the time
---- They are easier to train ---- They usually come when called
---- They don't hang out with drug-using friends
---- They don't need a gazillion dollars for a college education, and
---- if they get pregnant, you can sell the children. : - )

You'll Love it at Levitz? NOT ME!

Ok, so on New Years Eve I walked into Levitz and purchased a dining room set. I made a delivery date for February 4th. One week later, I went back to Levitz to purchase the matching buffet table and hutch. The same man who sold me the dinning room set sold me the buffet table and hutch. AFTER taking my money and setting the same February 4th delivery date (I was so happy I would get all the pieces on the same day), the salesman tells me he doesn't want to panic me, but the dining collection I ordered may be discontinued and I may not get my merchandise. I told him since I paid in full, there should be a tag on the pieces in the warehouse, with my name on it. He told me that is the way it works in a perfect world, but Levitz' warehouse isn't big enough, so they have a first come first serve delivery system.

In other words, I placed my order on New Years Eve and scheduled a February 4th delivery date. If another customer comes in a week later, buys the same item but has it delivered before my date, they will get my table, so if there aren't any tables in the warehouse for me, I'm just screwed.

In order to ensure my items are delivered, we moved the delivery date to January 19. Shortly before the delivery date, I'm told that the table and chairs will arrive on January 19th, but the buffet table and hutch will not be in the warehouse until January 30, so they are still scheduled to arrive at my house on February 4th. Fine.

So January 19 comes. The delivery time is set between 11am and 3pm. They came at noon. GREAT, until I inspect my furniture for damages.

The table is whitewash wood and ceramic tile. One spot on the whitewash wood is clearly discolored. One of the legs of one of the chairs is broken in half. While the delivery guys were still there I got the warehouse on the phone. I'm told to return the one chair and keep the table. The following week they will bring me a new chair and exchange the table.

So the next week, try #2, the new chair comes in perfect shape, the wood on the table is immaculate, but one of the tiles is cracked! Back goes the table. I didn't accept the exchange.

Three times a charm, right? Not if you shop at Levitz. The third table came, again with a crack in one of the tiles. UGH! Realizing that a tile cannot be repaired but wood can be refinished, I call Levitz' customer service. Under warranty, they will come next weekend (February 18th) and repair the damage on the table. The woman I spoke to said it was a smart move to return the tables with the cracked tile, because they cannot replace the tile. Gee, ya think?

In the mean time, I found out that my buffet table and hutch were in fact discontinued. After having a minor fit, my refund checks are in the mail. Needless to say I will not be returning to Levitz for furniture.

This whole thing was like a $1400 lottery: if you get all your items, YOU WIN! YAY! Bonus prize: they arrive in perfect condition.

The point of this Blog is to vent my frustrations and let everyone know (in case you already did not know) that Levitz sucks! They need to change their slogan because I'm so not lovin' it at Levitz.

If you want furniture that lasts longer than IKEA, give the business to your local Mom and Pop stores, take my word for it, don't shop at Levitz.

My New Part Time Gig

http://my2.tupperware.com/stephbkny
stephbkny@my2.tupperware.com

So in my latest quest to make an extra buck, I have signed on as a Tupperware consultant.

What does that mean? It means if you decide to host a Tupperware party at home or your office (or even online!) I will be your consultant. It also means you can purchase Tupperware through me, via my web site .


Please feel free to contact me about this, and if you know anyone who loves Tupperware (your Mom, aunt, sister, cousin, girlfriend, wife, co-workers) please forward my info to them, or theirs to me! I would love to answer their questions and sell them some Tupperware.

This isn't Mom's old Tupperware. It has the same endurance, quality and lifetime guarantee, but it's new look fits today's modern kitchens!

So visit visit www.my2.tupperware.com/stephbkny or simply click on one of the Tupperware graphics in this Blog, to visit my site and shop online, or contact me so we can set up a Tupperware Party!

http://my2.tupperware.com/stephbkny
stephbkny@my2.tupperware.com

Everything I Need To Know, I Learned From Crayola

We could learn a lot from crayons:
Some are sharp, some are pretty,
Some are dull, some have weird names,
And all are different colors....
but they all exist very nicely in the same box.