The Good Ol' Days

My Random Thoughts For Today (yes, these really are MY THOUGHTS, they didn't come from some e-mail forward). I'm may add to this as the day drags on.

Remember when....

Atari and ColecoVision were the only competing home video game systems? Pac-Man, Breakout, Asteroids, Centerpede, Donkey Kong and Frogger!

Saturday mornings meant cartoons, SchoolHouse Rock ("conjunction junction, what's your function?" *"I'm just a bill, and I'm sittin' here on Capitol Hill"), and mini-Menudo videos, complete with english subtitles?

MTV played all videos, all the time, commercial free? It was when video killed the radio star!

And speaking of the death of a radio star....remember when every guy had to wear one glove and that trademark read and silver leather jacket from the "Beat It" video? That was back when Michael Jackson was black!

Ah, the good ol' days!

The Ridiculously Amusing Stories That Make The News

THESE ARE THE STORIES THAT MAKE ME MISS BEING A JOURNALIST (SORT OF!):

(Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: Apparently, to get a traffic ticket!)

http://hosted.ap.org/dynamic/storie...EMPLATE=DEFAULT
May 9, 8:46 AM EDT

Chicken Ticketed for Crossing the Road

RIDGECREST, Calif. (AP) -- Linc and Helena Moore may have finally learned the answer to that age-old question: Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the chicken doesn't know jaywalking is illegal.

Kern County Sheriff's Deputy J. Nicholson does know, however. The deputy issued a ticket on March 26 to one of the couple's chickens for impeding traffic on a road in Johannesburg, a rural mining community southeast of Ridgecrest.

The Moores arrived in Superior Court on Friday to plead not guilty to their chicken's alleged transgression. A trial was scheduled for May 16.

Nicholson has declined to discuss the matter, but sheriff's Sgt. Francis Moore said chickens on the roadway have been a problem in the community of 50 residents. Officials didn't believe it could be resolved by simply issuing the couple a warning.

"Sometimes you have to let people talk to the judge," Moore said.

The chicken's owners say they believe they were cited because they were among several people who complained that sheriff's deputies haven't done enough to control off-road vehicle riders who damage roads and create dust and noise in their neighborhood.

Sheriff's officials say that isn't so, adding they are doing what they can to keep off-roaders away from the area's homes.

"The chicken thing has nothing to do with the motorcycle thing," Moore said.

© 2005 The Associated Press. All contents © 2005 Daily News, L.P

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The say one man's trash is another man's treasure, but do you really need to buy someone's urine?

Casino Buys Spears' Alleged Pregnancy Test
May 4, 3:15 PM EST

Online casino Golden Palace has spilled $5,001 for Britney Spears' alleged home pregnancy test. "It's hard to put a price on Britney Spears' urine," Golden Palace spokesman Drew Black told The Associated Press Wednesday.

Golden Palace says it purchased the test from Ottawa radio station Hot 89.9, which insists the test was retrieved from the trash outside Spears' Los Angeles hotel room months ago. The station didn't leak news of the test until Spears and husband Kevin Federline revealed her pregnancy to the public last month.

"We don't know for certain, of course," said Black. "Obviously, it's her alleged pregnancy test. I wasn't there when she took the test."

Golden Palace saw some buzz potential in the baby-making analyzer.

"When we saw this particular item was up for grabs, we knew it was something we wanted to have to add to the collection of oddities we've amassed over the past several months," said Black.

Other off-the-wall items owned by Golden Palace include a sandwich resembling the Virgin Mary, a Doritos chip that looks like the Pope's hat and a haunted cane.

Black said Golden Palace is looking into going on tour with the out-of-the-ordinary objects.

Last month, the online casino paid $15,100 to a Connecticut woman to name her newborn GoldenPalace.com.

Not So Deep Thoughts

(Allow me to use some Brooklynese while writing this post. Thank you.)

In recent news we had a runaway bride. Jennifer Wilbanks, a 32 year old Southern belle, left her fiance, John Mason, four days before they were to be married. The lavish wedding was comprised of a 28-person Bridal party and 600 guests who were to believe Wilbanks was abducted. Paging reality: the minute I heard this story I knew the flake took off on her own.

She fled to Vegas, then Albuquerque, when she phoned 911 to report her own kidnapping. You've all heard this story. You cannot watch the news or read the newspaper or news web sites without seeing a headline about the runaway bride, so I'm going to cut to the chase and vent a little:

*Steps onto soap box*

Can you imagine that dumb fuck still wants to marry that crazy broad? Apparently nationwide humiliation makes the heart grow fonder: all this time I thought it was absence that does the trick. Apparently, I was wrong.

Here's my helpful tip of the day: If you do not want to marry someone, don't get engaged! Don't plan a society wedding, as a matter of fact, don't even plan to elope! STOP WASTING YOUR TIME AND THE TIME OF THE POOR SCHMUCK WHO THINKS YOU ARE THE ONE!

*Steps off of soap box*

I, for one, could have been engaged twice. Had I gone through with it and gotten married, I also could have been divorced twice. Those two men simply weren't who I want to spend the rest of my life with, so I was straight forward and wouldn't even allow them to spend money on an engagement ring. Why can't people think ahead? Oh wait, Wilbanks did think ahead, she bought her ticket to "freedom" a week before her wedding day. Of course, she did this after the wedding was paid for!

Oh, and here's the kicker (as if it couldn't get any better!): not only does Mason still want to marry Wilbanks, but he publicly stated that he wants her to be the mother of his children!

The minute I heard Amy Fisher, the L.I. Lolita, had gotten married, I sat back and had a thought: I'm clinically sane and still single, yet that looney tunes attempted murderer is married, psychosis must be "in." Although Wilbanks is a different kind of looney tunes, this recent story only proves my point.

In the words of Jim Morrison, people are strange!